It Always Tickles Me...

...when people that are suddenly thrust into the limelight use the excuse of "well, I didn't know".

It can happen in business, print or personal lives. Wouldn't it once be nice to see someone own up to it. "Yeah, the attention was nice and I wanted to capitalize on it, and I fucked up." Of course, none of them will. The Durham DA offered up that excuse today. Sorry, so sorry. I didn't know. Same can be applied to relationships. "I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd find out. I didn't intend this to happen."

Operative word here; intend. It means to act in a certain way. If you didn't mean to do it, then why did you? Your morals suck. And you know it applies to you.

I'm Sure Most Are Familiar With...

...the story of Bob Woodruff, the ABC anchor that got the shit blown outta his head while in Iraq.

They had a special on him last night. Pretty compelling TV. I taped it and watched it this morning when I was awakened by a raging woody at 4 AM, but had no where to put it, other than in a fruit bucket that was to be my breakfast. I opted for the documentary. Oh, BTW, I will have a picture on the interweb tomorrow. Up to you to find it. So much for fruit buckets. I didn't miss breakfast, but damn it tasted funny.

Back In The Day...

...when people relied on me and I relied on my skills I would have things fixed in a heart beat. Leaking faucet, quick trip to Lowe's or Home Depot and o-rings replaced. Good as new.

Not so much anymore. I could call the maintenance people to fix the things that are deteriorating around this place, but they don't mean much, to me.

I can put up with a little drop of water. Always could. The others couldn't. So it was an easy weekend fix. Same with painting and such. I spent the last two weeks of my married life fixing anything that was wrong with my house and teaching the ex about such. Two months later someone else came in and took over. But it wasn't about fixing. It was about taking. Such is life.

I could fix all the things that are wrong with this little place that provides a roof over my head. But I rent and they are, technically, responsible for them. But I hate to bother them. My bad. Maybe when I get debilitated and can't do it I'll swallow my pride. Until then, a little drip in the sink is the least of my worries.

I'm Not A Fan Of The Medical Profession...

...as it's practiced in the US of A. I've been through it enough at various levels to know that it's controlled by drug companies, HMO's and the like. So I avoid it as best I can, even given my condition.

But NBC has been running a series this week on those doctors and nurses that help save the lives of soldiers and marines in Iraq. Last night was excellent. Tonight was even better. Just pure, unadulterated medicine at its best, under trying conditions. And the job they do is mind boggling. My hat is off to all those that participate in this endeavor. The selflessness and dedication involved defies anything I could muster. These are the types of people I pray for at night when I lay my squirrelly head down. People that do God's work above and beyond the call of duty to try and save and protect their comrades. Like one doctor said in the piece, there is no medicine like this. I'll bet that's the case.

So The Youngest Nephew...

...applies to a couple of colleges in the Carolinas. Smart kid, he is.

Gets accepted to one and a few weeks later gets an offer for an academic scholarship he never applied for. For, get this, $60,000. He aced the SAT's and his first semester grades. Guess the youngin's got all the brain cells. Prouder than punch, even if it isn't his first choice. He wants to go Blue. Who can blame him if you live in Carolina country.

I Never Liked The Guy...

...when I lived in Charlotte, but that's irrelevant. Radio personalities acquire a following that is unique.

I actually spent the better part of an afternoon swilling beer and talking to this guy when he was at a low point in his life. Nothing remarkable about him. Ordinary. Not particularly funny on the genuine level. Just someone that played the radio market. His commercials are showing up here for a new market they're going after. I don't listen. Like I said, I met him. I paid the tab. He claimed he didn't have any money. Seemed to drink like he did. I think I paid for it out of sympathy. Kinda sad that people have to try and convey themselves as something that they can't possibly be just for the sake of making money.

Seems Someone Has Gone Out...

...and found the tomb of Jesus. It took over 2000 years to do this?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't there some people there on Resurrection Day that could have told some others and passed those details on?

And even if it's "new" information, what difference does it make. You think Yahweh gives a rats ass if you find the grave of his son? I would look at it from another perspective. If my ass is behind the stone, I want the big man coming down and carrying me up to the cherubs. I couldn't care less if anyone else knew where it was.

We're Coming Up On...

...severe weather month here in NC. Lots of thunderstorms. In and of themselves they have never bothered me. More of a nuisance than anything else. Dangerous at times, for sure, but if you use some common sense they're harmless for the most part. I've been in enough of some horrific ones that you just learn to take your lumps and hope for the best.

But it does bring back memories of those many years of working in the golf course industry. In a simpler time there were no integrated parts to a sprinkler system. You went out and physically inserted the sprinkler head and you had water and green grass. In the mid 80's they developed the automated systems. Circuit boards and such. Computers that were supposed to make my life easier.

I can't tell you the number of "missions" I had to go on after work hours to clean up the mess these ill-conceived contraptions provided me. They had no surge protection. Any strike within 100 hundred yards fried the boards and you then had water going everywhere because the solenoids on the sprinkler heads were locked in the open position. I made a lot of overtime during those ten years. And got my ass shocked and awed on a few occasions. And don't reach down in a hole with a 440 volt wire running through it and half full of water. It gets your attention right damned quick. All for the sake of some rich fuckers and green grass. Now all I have to deal with is the electro charged butthole I've developed.

Umm, Yeah...

...I have good taste in wimmin...

Titty Meat...

This Is Where I Do My Fishing...

...which happens to be right out my back door.

Crappie, bream and catfish. It makes for a good afternoon. A few brews and a talk with God. Seems he never talks back, but I hear the whisper in the wind and the quiet from contemplation. I envision what my life could have been and what it is. And then I see the boys. It's all I need.

Like I Said...

...it ain't what it appears to be.

Bury The Bitch...

...and be done with it.

It's A Throw Of The Dice...

...when it comes to God. That's what Pascal said. I'll leave it up to you.

Basically his point was that it's better to believe in God than not, because if God exists, then you are part of the team. If he/she doesn't, then there's nothing lost. Kinda like covering your ass.

Wish it were that simple. Of course, I've no idea whether there is such a being. The bible says there is, and it also says I was created in his image. If so, then god is one ugly motherfucker. And he would have sex with Martha Stewart.

HOWEVER, in the dark of night, when I'm pondering my appendages, me happens to think there is something out there that will hold my ass accountable one day. So I tread on thin ice each day. Just to be sure. Sometimes I cross the line, but not often.

Just For General Knowledge...

...I will not tolerate happy on this blog.

Unless, of course, it involves a BJ.

You Have The Right...

...to denigrate me, call me a shithead, or any other various and sundry euphemisms that come to mind.

Be that as it may, I make you THINK. It may appear at times that I'm attacking individuals. It's possibly the case that I'm not. Use your fucking heads. It may very well be the case that I'm on your side. Things may not be as they seem.

Why Would Anyone Have A Blog...

...and ban comments? Isn't that kinda the point? Feedback. Just asking.

So Dana Priest...

...of the WP breaks this story about how woefully the care is for outpatient vets at Walter Reed Medical Center. They live in utter squaller. And the Secretary of the Army, Francis Harvey, learns about it by reading her very article, then blames it on lack of leadership.

I contributed, for me, a rather large sum to the Brooke Army Medical Center for the Intrepid center they built in San Antonio. Good enough, as it goes. But if once these vets leave their primary care units and are then designated as outpatients and can't get the required and necessary follow up care they need, then what the fuck. Isn't the Secretary a leader? DUH? It pisses me off that these people sit it their suits and uniforms on the hill and then bury their heads and asses in the sand. This has been going on for years and needs to stop. NOW.

Seems Someone Has Their Perpetual...

...happy face on now.

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy. I can't wait for the crash and burn. Oh, it may not come immediately. Maybe a few months, maybe a few years. You know, the military thing and such. PTSD. Women left in other countries. Not much money to make in their pay grade(can I get a loan?). Sudden deployments. I love a good story.

President's Day Is Stupid...

...especially in light of the fact that MSNBC did a poll about the top five president's of all time. Lincoln came in first. And I didn't get the day off. And I didn't buy a mattress.

Polls are like toilet paper. You gotta wipe your ass with something. I'm not sure who they targeted for this particular sampling. Apparently they aren't up on their history. They ranked Clinton at four and FDR at five. I guess getting a hummer in the Oval ranks above ending a depression. Today is Washington's B'Day. Celebrate it as that. Enough of this lumping all the other one's into one day. Most of them are dead and they didn't start a country. And most of them aren't even known, seems the poll conveys.

Stupid is as stupid does...

I Just Really Don't Know...

...what to say about this.

...I'm thinking maybe a date for Friday night is in the offing. Click to enlarge, if you dare.

See, I Knew...

...I was right!!

What's The Name...

...of yours?

A cowboy two steps into a bar, then realizes it's a gay bar. "But what the heck," he says to himself, I really want a drink."

When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the name of your penis?" The cowboy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink." The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis. Mine for instance is called Nike, for the slogan 'Just Do It.'

"That guy down at the end of the bar calls his Snickers, because 'It really Satisfies'." The cowboy looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over.

So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of yours?" The man looks back and says with a smile "TIMEX." The thirsty cowboy asks, "Why Timex?" The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!" A little shaken, the cowboy turns to the fella on his right, who is sipping a fruity Margarita and says,

"So, what do you call yours?" The man turns to him and proudly exclaims,

"FORD, because Quality is Job Number One."

Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford, lately?"

Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims,

"The name of my penis is SECRET. Now give me a beer." The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why Secret?"

The cowboy says, "Because it's...

STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN."

I'm A Fairly Benevolent Person..

...and when I give money to someone or some agency I check them out.

This shit is just wrong. Blogging is a medium. For writing. Nothing more. Some have found a niche whereby they use it to prey upon the goodness of others to gather money into their coffers for nothing other than their own benefit.
This individual has made a living off of it. And now he wants you to do it for others. He loves the "good" things in life and wants you to make sure that he has them. So he relies on you to give them to him.

I was suckered into one time. If you fear his "wrath", you're a pussy. Give your money to causes that mean something. Don't give it to someone that wants to go socialize. Then again, it's your damned money.

Some Recommendations...

...for those of you that actually give a shit about things other than blogging and how it inflates your ego.

James Patterson's novel "Step On A Crack" and Lucinda Williams CD "West". I am not associated with either corporation nor am I renumerated for either. I'm looking out for your non-blog life.

Friday Night Bullets...

...week three.

• NBC News did a segment every night about people that take care of their aging parents. Of course, they used their own reporters and their parents to do it. It was so contrived it was sickening. It ain't that way in the real world. I know.
  
  
• Seems some people were stuck on planes in NY for quite some time. In the ice. 1000 feet from the gate. With only ice chips to munch on. The CEO has apologized for this minor mishap on behalf of his company. He needs to go to rehab.
  
  
• Seems Nascar had some of it's crew chiefs and drivers caught cheating. They said they were sorry. More rehab.
  
  
• Some black ex-NBA player said he hated gay people. He apologized. More rehab.
  
  
• I'm going into rehab tomorrow before I have to apologize for anything. But damn, I wonder if I can find a place with an empty room?
  

Since No One Wanted To Play...

...in my sandbox I'll clean out the kitty litter my own damned self.

76-100 - Final Installment.

76) I've smoked for upwards of 40 years. I've never bummed a smoke. It infuriates me when people ask me for one. Even more so when they ask for three in the course of a day.

77) I used to have friends. Not many, but I don't need a lot of them. I now have none. I'd like one, just to say I had one.

78) I cut my own hair.

79) I spend upwards of $500 a month on herbal supplements for cancer. That's a lot of pussy I could by. Or a friend.

80) I have a high pain threshold. I cut myself all the time and don't realize it until I find blood all over the place.

81) I once won an arm wrestling contest at a little bar in Indiana, called "Mom'S". The participants were all farmers from the area that I helped. They didn't like the skinny kid winning.

82) Said same bar had 72 kinds of beer, most of which you would have never heard of. I drank one of each somewhere along the line during the course of three years. I collected them and brought them back to a friend whose son collected them.

83) Said friend screwed me royally a few years later. So much for friends.

84) Fool me once, your fault. Fool me twice, my fault. It applies to me.

85) I love to play the devil's advocate.

86) I would have had six kids if the ex hadn't decided her vagina had had enough.

87) Who am I kidding. She said two was enough. She tired of my ass.

88) And my dick.

89) The ex's Mother was a flaming alcoholic. She did all she could to derail the marriage. She succeeded.

90) The ex's sister was a flaming alcoholic. She did all she could to derail the marriage. She succeeded.

91) The MIL died, and I loved her. The SIL has gotten sober, and I love her. The ex is out there somewhere and I love her. I'm not a grudge kind of guy. It's family.

92) You will never know me fully unless you come clean as well.

93) I like soft chocolate ice cream cones.

94) I have six pair of underwear. Makes for an interesting week.

95) I was once banded a rebel in the Catholic church. Touchee.

96) When I was in the 2nd grade a nun beat my hand for fifteen seconds because I didn't color in the lines. I nailed her ass with a snowball after school. Black eye and all. Jesus loves those that love themselves.

97) When I was young the folks said I couldn't fraternize with the kids across the street because the were "country". Best friends I ever had. And a sexy Mom.

98) Before there were "MILF'S" I had a sexual fixation on Eddie's Mom. So hot. I kinda think she felt the same.

99) Rae almost killed me as we were driving back from something or other. She was my best friends Mom and I had my hand on her tit. Whatever.

100) It is what it is.

97)

I've Had About Enough...

...of the bullshit and rhetoric spewing out of Washington.

Wimmin, it's time you did your civic duty and strap on those chastity belts. Let's see how long this shit goes on when there ain't no putang to be had.

100 Things About Me...

...51-75

51) I was electrocuted once. I survived. Don't try and turn off swimming pool pumps when a leak is spraying water all over the cutoff switches.

52)My parents took me to a psychologist when I was in fourth grade. I faked fainting in class because I hated the teacher. She was a woman.

53) I had a woman grab my cock through my pants while sitting in a bar across from her husband. I REALLY liked her.

54) Dogs and cats really seem to like me. I can do without them.

55) I've never eaten liver, nor will I.

56) When I was sports editor of the high school paper I did a piece on the coach starting two sophomores instead of two seniors who were equally as talented. The teacher wouldn't print it. I quit the class that day and became a hippie.

57) I went thirty-five years without getting a traffic ticket. Some chump pulled me over for going left-of-center for eight feet to get around a car and make the left turn light. I no longer give to any police funds. And I curse at them vehemently when they call.

58) I've worn the same pair of boots everyday since 9/11.

59) I wanted to bed my sister-in-law. She wanted to do the same. We never did.

60) I never, ever missed one child support payment, and gave extra if I had it.

61) Two weeks after the ex asked for a divorce she took the boys to the mountains and I packed my belongings in three garbage bags and walked out the front door. I passed out three steps later. I woke up in ten minutes and went on my way.

62) I had no business being in graduate school. And I knew it.

63) I give great gifts.

64) Self-absorbed people bug the shit out of me.

65) I wake up with bruises on my arms. I sleep alone. What's up with that?

66) I was so good at Flight Simulator that when I took my first flying lesson the instructor let me take off and land on my own. He white-knuckled, I didn't. There was that one steep dive, but I recovered.

67) I used to be extremely efficient. I'm now a procrastinator.

68) I have no racial bone in my body.

69) I once made out with and freely groped a woman, in the kitchen, at my folks Christmas party for fellow workers. Her husband walked in and called her a whore. He went back to drinking. We went back to groping. I was twenty three, she was forty-something. What a rack. And proud of them.

70) I've read everything C. S. Lewis has ever written.

71) I've NEVER once told either of my sons how to live their lives. It's theirs, not mine.

72) I would like to love again.

73) Not likely I will.

74) I was once a prolific finish carpenter, plumber and electrician. I miss doing that stuff.

75) I used to run ten miles a day. Everyday. It might be keeping me alive.

God All-Fucking Mighty...

...it's February 11th, 2007 and I'm already tired of these two.

Who's advising these people? I would never vote dimwitted, even more so now. GO AWAY!!

This is how low we've sunk as a nation. Obama is no more qualified to run this country than I am. He's being treated as a rock star, simply because the MSM treats him as such. The other, well, she's a woman, and you know how I feel about them. Nuff said.

100 Things About Me...

...26-50.

26) I never make my bed. Ever.

27) Women find me harmless. I have no pheromones. Until I kiss them. I'm good at that.

28) When Rachel Ray says EVOO on the Food Network I literally go and shit my pants.

30) The ex and I used to talk almost daily. I haven't talked to her in almost two years.

31) I'm an organ donor. Too bad there won't be much left to garner.

32) When my Mom called one day and said Dad had cancer, I cried. When I was diagnosed, I told the Doc he was a chump and went home and got drunk.

33) I don't fold clothes, my closet is a wreck and I could care less.

34) I don't mess with catfish. If I catch one, I just cut the line. Those bastards are mean. And bite.

35) I can spot bullshit a mile away.

36) I drive the speed limit.

37) I snore. Big time. I never hear it.

38) Someone once told me I give off an amazing amount of heat when I sleep. I'm HOT!!

39) I never trust myself, in any situation.

40) I have watched every episode of 24. More than once.

41) I pray for my sons, my nephews and my family everyday before I leave this little place.

42) For some reason, I have to pee every thirty minutes at work. I never wake up at night to do so. Puzzles me, puzzles my URO.

43) People get pissed at me. I at them. Go figure.

44) I'll call you on it if I think you're wrong.

45) I'll give you a break if you need it.

46) I hate to drive.

47) Especially long distances.

48) I'm scared.

49) I hate to open my mailbox. I always think of bad news being in there.

50) If I've loved you, I will love you forever, even if it doesn't mean anything.

Best Part Of The Weekend...

...other than helping the mombo was having dinner with the progeny. Mine are the one in the middle and the one on the right. The one on the left is a good friend of both and a frat brother of the one in the middle when they went to MTSU.

Their grandmother thoroughly enjoyed the dinner on Saturday night, as did I. Lot's of shits and giggles. Good lasagna, good wine and good times. And the boys were as personable as ever. They know how to have some fun, like to do so and we hug alot.

It is what it is. I don't think they'll mind having their pic on the interweb. Might get some babes hot in the crotch. I will demand some money if they get lucky. Tell me those aren't three of the best looking men you've ever seen.

165 Miles...

...and two minutes to fix the issue. That's what it took to rectify the VCR-DVD issue with the mombo's set.

It was a ploy to get my ass here for other work. She's a smart woman. And conniving. Made my last truck payment before I left home. I don't care. I like helping. She works my ass to death. Blood pumps, muscles burn. Nothing like it. Just saying.

I Don't Mind In The Least...

...if people that read this blog paint me with a broad brush and label me with all sorts of tags. I have a pretty thick skin. And I really don't care what you think of me. There's only two or three people out there who read this that know my ass in any way, shape or form.

But let this be said. If you have been a woman that has had a serious, and I mean SERIOUS, relationship with me, then you know you have been treated like a queen. Of course, the two of those I've had in my life don't read this piece of shit, so I'm talking to myself. What else is new?

100 Things About Me...

...the first 25.

What? It's Saturday, I'm at my Mom's cleaning cupboards.

1) I was born on July 10th, 1953.

2) My dick weighed more than the rest of me.

3) I now weigh more than my dick, barely. And it doesn't work worth a shit.

4) I didn't weep a tear the day my Dad died.

5) I cried like a baby when I got back home.

6) I used to clean the apartment once a week. Now I do it once a year.

7) I've been labeled a misogynist. I'm not. I just don't like women.

8) I once drove a bulldozer over the side of a creek bank. The boss was not pleased. I thought it was funny.

9) I almost married a woman that wouldn't have sex unless I massaged her feet first. I lost my sex drive after three years.

10) I play the guitar. Poorly.

11) I never empty an ashtray until I can't put out one more fag.

12) I still wash dishes by hand.

13) If I could have sex with anyone it would be Sandra Lee. I would duck tape her mouth shut.

14) I once wanted to be a priest. I had sex with a nun. I never became a priest.

15) I've been on the internet since the inception of AOL. It was just as bad back then.

16) Life holds no particular meaning to me any longer.

17) I despise fake titties.

18) I believe in God. It doesn't believe in me.

19) I once wanted to get a pilots license. Now I refuse to fly.

20) I sooo would have done Stevie Nicks in her heyday.

21) Lord, I was born a ramblin' man was my favorite song in my hippie youth.

22) I used to be a good cook. It's all takeout now.

23) I once worked part time at a Hooters as a second job. Dishwasher and prep. Don't eat the wings.

24) I see people that are dead. When I'm sober. When I'm drunk I see double. Twice as scary.

25) I will never see the age of sixty. I'm OK with that.

Ahhh...The Good Old Narcissistic Persona...

...is alive and well. And traveling down the lonesome road. But dead, in some instances.

Friday bullets early...

• Seems the self absorbed Ms. Smith has bitten the big one. Good riddance.
  
  
• If you say you're going to end a discussion and quit talking about it, and then talk about it on your blog, what's the point? You write, I will respond. If you pontificate about how life should be, I will tell you it ain't so. You call me childish for whatever reason, I will counter with you are even more so because you are the child on the playground that spews you either play by my rules or you don't play at all. So easily pegged. Before you try to become the teacher, try to get out of first grade.
  
  
• So they have relieved the diaper astronut of flight duty. What a fucking surprise. Should have done it years ago. Women weren't meant to be in space. They think the world revolves around them. Hardly good for space navigation.
  
  
• I love being called a misogynist. Gives me warm snugglies. Hard to be declared that if you haven't met me, but what the hell. It's a good word. We can educate the blogosphere with something other than "peruse".
  

A Recent Poll...

...came up with the following startling facts.

For most women, the choice between sex and a new wardrobe is simple — they go for the clothes.

Women on average say they would be willing to give up sex for 15 months for a closet full of new apparel, with 2 percent ready to abstain from sex for three years in exchange for new duds, according to a new survey of about 1,000 women in 10 U.S. cities.

Sixty-one percent of women polled said it would be worse to lose their favorite article of clothing than give up sex for a month.

Nearly half of the women, or 48 percent, taking part in the survey by consumer products giant Unilever said their favorite article of clothing was more reliable than their man in giving them confidence and making them feel sexy.

Go fucking figure...

Seems The Venerable Babster...

......has found love again.
This seems to happen on a quarterly basis. Kinda odd for someone that likes the status quo.

I wish her luck and hope this is the "one", but somehow I kinda doubt it will be. She'll find something wrong with the character of the new love when they finally meet in person. Seems she always does. People can convey themselves in any number of ways on the internet, and in MySpace, of all places. The very idea that you can tell about someone's soul via this medium is mind boggling. So we'll see how it goes. If I was a betting man I'd give it three months after they meet. Takers??

This Is One Wacky-Ass Lady...

...but I kinda admire her ass.

When I first heard about it this morning I figured the two bitches were competing for the male astronaut's affection because he had a big rocket with lots of thrust. Understandable. I thought she went a little overboard with all the paraphernalia and such, but when someone has her sights set on a rocketman, what's she to do?

What impressed me the most was the diaper thing. I'm no math wizard, to which I've freely admitted, but she drove 900 miles. At a conservative 70 MPH that would be almost 13 hours. I happen to know something about the capacity of adult diapers since my Dad had to wear them the last few weeks of his life. They can hold one good pee at best and maybe two small ones, tops. And they get soaked. Now if she didn't want to stop, this woman's pants or skirt had to be saturated by the time she reached Louisiana or Mississippi. And how the hell do you change a diaper in a car? On your own damned ass. Maybe it was her astronaut training. Either way, if she goes to prison I'm going to strike up a pen pal thingy with her. I bet she rockets in bed. And I'll be in diapers by then.

Only In The Great Land...

...of America.

• Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance...
  
  
• Only in America...is there braille on an ATM drive through window...
  
  
• Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink...
  
  
• Only in America...is there a box for a "blind" person to check on their tax return...
  
  
• Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions.
  
  
• Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke...
  
  
• Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters...
  
  
• Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless junk in the garage...
  
  
• Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place...
  
  
• Only in America...do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" in greek meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures"...
  
  

It Never Ceases To Amaze Me...

...when you're dealing with an aged parent and how things pan out. Especially when it comes to the technical stuff.

After my dad died I bought the mombo a new TV which came included with a built in DVD/VCR combo. Panasonic piece of shit, because both of them broke in the past month. TV is fine. So she goes out and buys a new combo and they apparently have this new thing where you can't rewind past the last program you recorded. That's gotta be the dumbest piece of shit I've ever heard of. Hell, even my sons can't figure it out.

So I will trek to the mother domain this weekend and resolve the problem. As I always do.

I don't "feel" like doing it, but if I don't then it makes me less of a son and even more so, less of a human being. We have the opportunity in our lives to sacrifice ourselves for the sake of others. I relish those. Nuff said.

We've All Heard...

...the saying that when life gives you a lemon, make lemonade. Fuck that. A lemon is a midget fruit.

I'm more interested in what we do when life gives you a pineapple top. Say you?

Bullet Friday...

...first installment.

• My heart goes out to those in Florida that were hit by the tornado. That son-of-a-bitch was a half-mile wide. I can't even get my head around that. But it brought to mind just how fragile life is. One minute you're here and the next you aren't. In the blink of an eye. Now I'm not going to spew forth that froth of "live it like it's your last" bullshit. It just makes me wonder if you really thought that teeth whitening thing you spent $300 on at 4 PM did you any good? I know we can't anticipate the bad shit that's going to happen, but that one hour you spent trying to make yourself pretty could have been spent with your kids or loved ones. They may be called the "pearly" gates, but I don't think they meant teeth. There will come a time when the hand of God comes and squeezes your earthly breath out of you. Make sure your ain't concentrating on your own ass.
  



• 
  Back in the late 70's or early 80's, I don't remember, there was a young tennis player by the name of Andrea Jeager. She was an accomplished player. I only know that because I was into tennis at the time. I lost interest in it. Never thought about her again. Until today. I have no idea how old she is now, but I saw this on the news tonight and it restored my vision of humanity. She has become an Episcopal nun and runs a center for kids with cancer. I'm sure she made millions in her career, but she used it for the glory of others. That's just too kewl. And she was one HOT number, but I don't do nuns, cept for that one.
  



• 
  It seems I have pissed off two women. So be it. It is was it is. But I do think about them and wish them well. Nuff said.
  
  

Soooo, The Big-Breasted Weather Babe...

...was standing in front of her fake map this morning, shaking her sultry titties and ass and telling me of my impending doom if I were to risk driving. It was all a ruse, I'm sure, as I knew she was enticing me to dive through the TV screen to suckle on her pokie nipples.

Alas, I had coffee to drink and my mortality to ponder. The first got shitcanned when I realized I had no beans. The second was more than I could handle for such an early time of day, so I went and got the pet and tried to relax before I made such a fateful decision. After some calls to the gods to save me from total demise at the hands of heavy metal and icy roads, and some hot monkey sex, I sent myself out into the wilderness, as did the Baptist, to purge my soul of its demons and make myself pure as the driven snow.

Of course, being the prayerful man I am, I raised my arms heavenwards and beseached the almighty for the scourge to end. As usual, it took his ass about 8 hours to consider it. But what the hell. My supplication was answered and I am now at home in the bosom of my surroundings, nonetheless for wear.

So, hot weather babe, show me your tits, because you sure didn't show me any weather.

Looks Like Blogger...

...is on the fritz or there are boogeymen about. The post I did last night isn't showing up anymore and several comment counts are off. Knew it had to happen at some point in time. Fuckers!!