100 Things About Me...

...the first 25.

What? It's Saturday, I'm at my Mom's cleaning cupboards.

1) I was born on July 10th, 1953.

2) My dick weighed more than the rest of me.

3) I now weigh more than my dick, barely. And it doesn't work worth a shit.

4) I didn't weep a tear the day my Dad died.

5) I cried like a baby when I got back home.

6) I used to clean the apartment once a week. Now I do it once a year.

7) I've been labeled a misogynist. I'm not. I just don't like women.

8) I once drove a bulldozer over the side of a creek bank. The boss was not pleased. I thought it was funny.

9) I almost married a woman that wouldn't have sex unless I massaged her feet first. I lost my sex drive after three years.

10) I play the guitar. Poorly.

11) I never empty an ashtray until I can't put out one more fag.

12) I still wash dishes by hand.

13) If I could have sex with anyone it would be Sandra Lee. I would duck tape her mouth shut.

14) I once wanted to be a priest. I had sex with a nun. I never became a priest.

15) I've been on the internet since the inception of AOL. It was just as bad back then.

16) Life holds no particular meaning to me any longer.

17) I despise fake titties.

18) I believe in God. It doesn't believe in me.

19) I once wanted to get a pilots license. Now I refuse to fly.

20) I sooo would have done Stevie Nicks in her heyday.

21) Lord, I was born a ramblin' man was my favorite song in my hippie youth.

22) I used to be a good cook. It's all takeout now.

23) I once worked part time at a Hooters as a second job. Dishwasher and prep. Don't eat the wings.

24) I see people that are dead. When I'm sober. When I'm drunk I see double. Twice as scary.

25) I will never see the age of sixty. I'm OK with that.