Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Sometimes I Should Just Physically Violate...

...my TV. Or those that are responsible for programming. Holy Fuckamoly.


As I've said before, I won't watch professional football anymore. All that dancing and high fiving and shit they do. Hell, it's your job and you're paid millions for it. Just cross the end zone and get on with it. Then I saw a play in the USC-Michigan game when the USC wideout caught a pass and taunted the defender as he was going into the endzone. No need for that.

So I decided to shred a couple months worth of credit card bills and the like. A twelve pack sounded good for accompaniment. And a marathon of Dr. 90210. I've never seen this show, but there wasn't anything else on. JFC. Is all they do in LA is get boob jobs? What tickled the shit out of me was when men got around the wimmin with their new titties, the wimmin always said "My eyes are up here. Focus." WHAT?? What are the new sacks for? Puppy feeding? I saw more tits in three hours than I've seen in 15 years. They looked like spaghetti squash. And I wanted to pare boil those suckers. With some tomato sauce and some parmesan.

Then they started going into some weird ass labia stuff with lasers. That's when my pinky got caught in the shredder.

I have one life experience with these things they call implanted tits. They aren't nice. They are aliens. You have sold your soul if you do it. They feel like tennis balls.

Accept what life gives you as you go on your way through the journey. It's called character. If a man can't love you for what you are, then the new found appendages won't keep his attention for long. There's always a newer or more natural pair out there.

I wouldn't know. My doll stays the same. But they are consistent. But to make sure I'm not missing anything, I called my dermatologist this morning to see if he had a recommendation for an augmentation. He didn't. So I'm off to Lowe's and Home Depot this weekend to see if I can pump those puppies up. I want a full C. Maybe a D. Might take lots of crazy glue and duck tape. Surgery ain't easy. And I want her to please her mate. So his eyes can focus. On her intellect. It seems so simple now. We'll see what the tests reveal if the plastic can accept such an expansion. If not, then we're going with the spaghetti squash.


3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dr. 90210? (shiver) You know what I say about Southern Californians. They give the rest of us a bad name.

9:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yep. I got hit in the face with some giant stackers at a batchelor party once. It felt like the harlem globe trotters were dribbling on my face.

10:37 PM  
Blogger GalacticallyStupid said...

I hate those things. Gimme big, saggy ones any day of the week. For that matter, gimme ANY that are natural.

11:15 PM  

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