I Was Pondering Yesterday...

...what makes blissful love go so terribly wrong. The X and I used to have such good times together. Comedy clubs, dinners, friends and beach trips. Then it just disintegrated.

In a matter of a few weeks. Or maybe it had been going on for years and I wasn't aware of it. I was attentive. Always there. But after her Mom died she just went south. After seeing the boys yesterday, I look for similarities in our personalities. It's funny what you see. I haven't talked to her in over a year, so it's almost as if I've forgotten what she's like. I hear the voice, know the nuances. But it's almost as if she's left the planet. I don't like that. I need that connection with her. She's the Mother of my kids. I have to stay connected to that. I don't know where she goes. Not in the physical sense, but mentally. How did I become a non-entity? I need her in so many ways, mostly because we have genes walking around out there, and we have to make sure they do well. I guess it is what it is. Just DAMN.