Tuesday, March 06, 2007

I Receive Alot Of Medical Catalogs...

...but they aren't the kind that offer dialysis machines or anything of that sort.

These are the kind that offer all sorts of off-the-wall products that guarantee to cure all my ailments. There are contraptions to cure ED. Not only expensive, but they look like they should require a license to use them. Pills to do the same. With an additional guarantee to add inches. That one is on the list. Not sure why. I'll have more luck trying to fuck a muffler. And I doubt the muffler will care. I believe I'll save the $29.95.

There's one that will get rid of the bags under my eyes. Some kind of vegetable ointment. I eat a lot of veggies. Seems like that would have the same affect. Don't see any reason why I should have to eat them AND put them on my eyes when I go to bed. I'll ponder this one.

There is one I'm excited about. It's a discreet male incontinence pouch. You wear it inside your undies and you can pee yourself if you so please. This one has promise. I'm not incontinent yet, but I sure do pee quite often. Be nice to just sit at my desk and let it fly. Tops on the list.

The one about the colon cleanse and the rhesus monkey is one I'll have to consider. I'm not much into shoving things up my ass, much less a macaque, but there are some nights after a few glasses of wine where it might prove interesting. I'll put an asterisk next to this one.


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