There's Nothing Better...

...than going to WallyWorld at 6 on a Saturday morning. I had the place all to myself, 'cept for the amigos that were hauling pallets around like pack mules. And my peeps that were stocking the shelves with all the vigor of a homeless person sitting in a box with a bottle of MD 2020. Life at it's best, I'm telling ya.

I could roam around that place all day, but I don't make enough money to placate my concupiscence for all those things that I don't need, but want. So I stayed pure and focused.

First on the list was a movie I've been wanting to see; The Sentinel. Went right to DVD, but it's a GUY flick. Lot's of body parts flying around. And no nekkidness, so I can watch it and feel religious. On to the cleaning/bath area. TP and Cottonelle for my tender little defecating area, dishwasher detergent, some Mr. Clean scrubbing sponges for aforementioned area, a smelly thing that you plug in a wall socket and emits aroma's that are supposed to make me feel like I'm in Hawaii. It didn't come with sound effects and a hula girl. I asked. Ninguna manera. Some of that spray stuff you spritz on furniture and clothes to remove odors. I don't use it for that. It's my deodorant. Hey, it lasts a long time and I like to be creative. Some Liquid Plumber for the shower drain. My hairy ass sheds like a Golden Retreiver. It's working it's pipe magic as I speak. And why in the hell is washing machine stuff so expensive? Damn!! I don't hear any uproars about the price of that shit. I may start a boycott and walk around dirty and naked. That SHOULD put a stop to that pretty quickly.

On to the toiletries/health aids section. Aspirin, three pack of 81 mg's, chewable. When I drop over dead on the spot I ain't going with a headache. Alcohol and hydrogen peroxide for when I do my medical proceedures. Some sort of new moisturizer that is supposed to give my white ass a summer glow. I thought the wine I drink did that, but we'll see. Some Axe spray so the wimmin will think I'm sexy as Tom Jones. And a trimmer thingy that says it's for women. I use it for nose and ear hair. But I like to believe I'm buying it for my imaginary friend that has furry eyebrows.

$87.56. Total. I used the self-serve checkout. I didn't have a choice. They don't have real people there at that time of day. They should because the computer that was checking my ass out was having a bad day. I had to call the Jamaican honcho over three times to reset the screen. He stands at a pulpit and acts like he's writing all the time. I dunno. Maybe a novel? I did run into two ladies that were dressed like regular customers, but as I listened I ascertained that they were employees. They were talking about batteries. How long they last and such things. I started to get excited thinking about the devious toys they have hidden away. So I went and got a can of spray paint. No particular reason. Just needed something with some chloroflorocarbons in it. I inhaled it on the way home. Had to stop at the market on my way in. That's another story in and of itself. I DO NOT recommend it. And why don't they get rid of the penny? Just DAMN.

OH, I forgot. I got my first ever electric can opener. I am sooooo techno savy now. My hands don't work so well anymore so I thought I'd treat myself to a big ticket item. $6.96. But damn, that son of a bitch is slow. Whatever...