I Wasn't Going To Post...

...for awhile because I feel myself spinning off into the netherlands where weird bitches and goblins want to castrate me and place my balls in a cornicopia for the holidays. Surrounded by fall leaves that have chiggers on them, which will chew into my scrotum and set up living quarters where they feast on some of my manhood. I'll have to pour motor oil on them like my uncle did when I was young and render me sterile and impotent. Oh, wait, I've already been through that. Anyways, some things got up my ire so I shall render them henceforth because they made me want to shit out my cerebral cortex...

• Some troll looking woman lawyer got sentenced to four years in prison for treason while trying to defend the asshat that tried to blow up the trade center buildings first time around. She should have offered herself up for execution based on the fact that she looks like her parents were some sort of life form we are not familiar with.
  
  
• Some suit held a press confrence late today informing us that this ex-congressman that liked to put his hand down Capital Hill page's briefs and feel for hernias and testicles that hadn't dropped has decided to name the cleric that decided he needed his rectum cleaned with wine and holy water. Of course, as usual, I didn't pay much attention, but I think he said it happened when Foley was a teenager. He's gotta be in his sixties now, so, having had some experience in the catholic church, I know that when I was that age the priests were all in their fifties. So this ass bumping homo priest has got to be dead my know. And if he isn't, he can't possibly do anything to anyone anymore. Just let this shit go.
  
  
• So we've reached 300 million people in the US of A. One woman is claiming her child is the one because he was born at 7:47 AM, or whatever the time was when some yahoos that have nothing better to do decide that's when it should happen. WHO GIVES A SHIT?? Be grateful the fucker came out in one piece. And no prize comes with this event, sugar tits, so just go in the corner and give little Charley the nipples he yearns for.
  
  
• It seems the ladies of hollywood have decided they are more humanitarians than entertainers. So they've decided to go forth and adopt babies from third world countries. It's a race now. If it keeps up with these stellar parents we'll reach 300.5 million people by Christmas.
  
  
• The FDA is now saying that it's OK to eat fish again because the mercury level is not high enough to cause problems. I never worry about it because I have enough of it in my mouth to make a thermometer. And I have an implant in my prosthetic penis that relies on that technology and if I bend my head over the bed the mercury moves and I get a woody. It makes it difficult for sex with the dust bunnies on the floor, but it's science, and that's cool. Some woman they interviewed asked for some 'Monk' fish. Two pounds. She asked if it was fresh. The guy behind the counter jokingly said 'No Ma'am, it's three days old'. Need I say more. He's probably looking for a job, but it was funny as hell to see the look on her face. She had on a trendy hat and coat. I bet she pissed herself before she got home.
  
  
• My upper body has been so sore the past few days and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why. It wasn't like I did 200 pushups anywhere along the way. It especially bothered me today when I coughed. Allergies and such. Then I remembered Sunday night. I ate an old Wendy's burger and when I got to the last bite my diaphram locked up. It does that. I won't go into details, but suffice it to say that I woke up hungry on Monday. But why does it always take two days for the pain to show up? Nurse, it must be lactic acid or something?
  

That's it. I'm going to go plant myself on the pot and see if I can't get rid of my brain stem. It is serving no useful purpose at the moment. You'll have to enlarge the pic to get the full effect.