Since I Apparently Have Some Major...

...character flaw that prevents me from attracting someone of the opposite sex, I've put my mind into high gear looking for alternatives.

Obviously, farm animals would be high on the list. But I don't really find sheep all that attractive. They are supposed to be the most similar to the female anatomy, but it's been so long for me that I'm not sure I'd recognize it when I saw it. The important part, not the sheep. I know a sheep when I see one. Maybe I could just use one of my wool sweaters. There's an idea.

I've given serious consideration to one of these. They are a bit pricey, however. I've never paid for sex, outrightly anyways. We all have to some extent or another. But the options seem good. She wouldn't ever tell me to slow down, ask me is that all there is, wonder why I passed out or various and sundry other things. And I could stuff her in the closet when I was finished.

Then there's always the fruit route. I think of this as my best option, but it would be seasonal. Melons are hard to come by in the winter. I could go with broccoli or cauliflower, and maybe some cheese sauce. There might be a Food Network series in this whole idea.

Ahhh, well, back to what I do best.