Friday, October 06, 2006

I Am...

...GuyK's alter ego in this post. As I stated in an earlier post I wanted to try a little experiment where I pretend I am posting as another blogger, with a little twist thrown in. I chose Guy because he's old and if he gets pissed he won't be able to catch me if'n I start running. Plus, he has a good demeanor and probably won't send a hit man after my ass. I'll try and keep them as close to the length as the authors usually do. If at anytime during this venture into frivolity I offend anyone, just tell me and I'll delete the post.

GoodMorning Blog World

It's a gotdamn beautiful morning here on sweetthing's half-acre. 'Cept I can't see it outta but one eye. Sweetthing made some of her dumplings two nights ago and as good as they were, they gave me gas. I had to go to the eye doctor for that laser surgery on my other eye the following day and about halfway through the proceedure I farted and it shook my innards so hard it moved my head and the laser dun cut through some of the thingys in the eye. No permanent damage but I have a patch on my eye for a few days. As I was walking out on the porch this morning with my first cup of jumpstart I didn't see Miss Sassie and drop-kicked her ass damn near all the way to the shed. Then when I tried to park the old rear in the rocker I missed my mark and planted my fat ass right on the deck, jumpstart and all.

Sweetthing wants to run to Wally World today, which is gonna be tough. The Red Ram knows the way by heart, but with one eye it'll be like my old days with Jack D. I went and tried to do some fishing before the heat came up, but with this bum eye I hooked myself in the scrotum. Had to limp home and have sweetthing have a look. She started getting frisky so I had to beat her about the rump with one of her wooden spatulas.

Once I got sweetthing settled down I decided I'd do some farming. I had a small river birch I wanted to cut down and the ocra needed some water. I couldn't get that gotdamn chain saw to start so I grabbed my hand saw and decided to attack it that way. I sawed for about five minutes but that sunsabitch wasn't coming down. Not even a dent in the bark. So I decided to water the ocra. But when I grabbed the hose I noticed that my leg was bleeding. GOTDAMN. I was sawing on my own leg. I hobbled in the house and yelled for sweetthing but she was on the treadmill and said she had 2.5 miles to go, so she would be there when she was done. So I went and doctored myself best as I could, but by then Miss Sassie was recovered and latched onto my leg and severed the artery in my leg when she bit me. Last thing I remember was passing out.

GoodMorning Blog World

I've been having some weird dreams lately here on sweetthings half acre. Stuff involving patches and saws and such. Scared my own ass. I think I'll just go out and have some jumpstart and take in the day. Maybe some farming and some fishing. And a trip to Wally World. I'll be back later.

Just For Glee

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 milestone money.

And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover.

It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?

Is it:

A) the condor

B) the buzzard

C) the cuckoo

D) the vulture

The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. The woman hoped she would not have to use it because ... Her friend was, well ..blonde.

She had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy.

The answer is C: the cuckoo."

The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Regis any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, that would seem to be the logical thing to do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.

"I need an answer," said Regis.

Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."

"Is that your final answer?"

"Yes, that is my final answer."

Two minutes later, Regis said, "That answer is .... Absolutely correct!!

You are now a millionaire!"

Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.

"Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "How did you happen to know the right answer?"

"Oh, come on," said the blonde.. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks."


Blogger Rantin' Ron said...

That's fucking FUNNY! Guyk will be so proud but, I wouldn't want to be you if he doesn't. He might be old but I'll bet he can shoot straight!

Can't wait for your next victim.

1:42 AM  
Blogger GalacticallyStupid said...

Might be you friend...look out...

1:52 AM  
Blogger Pammy said...

AAhahahahhaa! You is a funny man. I bet he'll love it.

3:49 AM  
Blogger GalacticallyStupid said...

I had commandos land on the roof tonight. I fear he is pissed.

4:41 AM  
Blogger KurtP said...

Loved it!

12:38 PM  
Blogger GalacticallyStupid said...

Thanks kurt, but I woke up this morning and there was a gator in the bathroom. I'm not feeling the love...

1:39 PM  
Anonymous imp said...

lol...Guy may have to be diverted...he is having "issues" me thinks.

6:22 PM  
Blogger Libby Spencer said...

LOL. That was fabulous.

5:18 PM  
Blogger KeesKennis said...

That was great

5:27 PM  
Blogger Lisa W. said...

That is BANG ON...too funny. I'm surprised he hasn't commented yet. I'm sure he's planning something. Glad it's you not me!

10:49 PM  
Blogger Nancy said...

Don't worry about hitmen. Guyk's waaaay too...uhm frugal...uhm parsinomious.......CHEAP! to send anyone.

I hear he's real good at layin' a shell through a cat's eye however, so ya might wanna keep away from windows and such...

8:06 PM  
Blogger GUYK said...

LOL I don't know why I didn't see this when you posted it..GREAT STUFF

5:54 PM  

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