Smokey Robinson...

...and Tears Of A Clown. That song resonated for me when I was in eigth grade. I was naturally funny, not in the contrived or nervous way. It came natural to me. Somewhat impish and self-effacing.

I had the attention of the best looking girl in the class. We laughed and froliced at school and on the phone at night. Then the "star" basketball stud must have showed her his dick, because in a matter of days I was history. He was my best friend. Wasn't after that day. Fortunately there weren't but so many days left in the school year when it happened. It made me rethink how I would act. It followed me for years throughout junior high and high school. The next year in 9th grade we both made the Junior varsity basketball teams at our respective schools and when we played he was getting ready to shoot, and since he was a star on his team and we were getting beaten so badly I was put in for mercy's sake, I undercut him and got thrown out of the game. I picked him up and looked at him and he knew what it was for. Years later I discovered that having some sort of comedic talent gets your ass nailed in all sorts of situations. Some people either like to stifle it or just suck it out of you, for whatever reason. When I took the boys and a few of their friends, the X and my Mom to the beach for a week a few years ago I asked the X, in all honesty, what happened to us. She said I no longer had a sense of humor. I won't go into the details of our lives together, but suffice it to say that I work better alone. If I get involved with someone and they expect all my time and effort for their needs, then that comical part of me goes underground, in deference to the part of me that wants to take care of the other persons needs. It could happen again, but the poison is out, so hopefully it's back to normal. I think I shall do an alter-ego on the Hammer this weekend. I'm looking forward to that.